near-end of august journal! 
hello and welcome to the august journal entry. i'm too lazy to get another pixel so just live with these flowers for now, kay?
long time no site update! sorry about that, i've recently become a college student! YUCK! i'm writing this from the floor of my dorm room. i moved in two days ago, and todays the day when everybody else moves in so i'll meet my roommate today. she seems nice, fingers crossed she truly is. on the first night i was here, i was absolutely upset and wanted to go home, and i still am pretty homesick but im seeing my parents today which is good. i'm a total momma's boy tbh.
yesterday and the day before i was doing orientation stuff, but i was in a smaller group for it to be less stressful. it helped me get a grasp of the campus, i can get from my room to the dining hall without getting lost. i had waffles for breakfast and am leaving my banana for a snack later. i'm excited for class to start, but i'm worried about being late or getting lost. as i've told you earlier probably, i'm a social work major. oh god i just realized i'm going to have to introduce myself in large groups with they/them pronouns. i did it yesterday in front of like ten people which was still nervewracking as hell, but nobody cared. i was the only one with different pronouns... i might have them she/her me because im shyyyyy. i just moved to under my dorm bed, it's pretty nice under there. the linoleum floor is cold but soothing. i have my computer on a bin and this is better for my back than looking down at my computer on the floor. i miss my pets... i miss my piggies and my doggie and my kitty... they are all alive and well i'm just stuck in the new circle of hell they opened up. ugh, there's a bunch of people screaming outside, they have to scream every time a car goes by to cheer on the new students. let's all explode?
okay, back to things i actually care about. i managed to get ring x bell midori!! i only got one copy because im a pussy but it makes me very happy! he is my little baby silly guy. ok i'll come back to this later i just need to go to the bathroom. spin midori around in your mind while im gone okay?
mid july journal
welcome to the mid-july blog!
as you may know by my profile post, i went on a trip last week. (ALSO I TURN 18 IN A WEEK-ISH. i forgot to mention that somewhere) it was very hard to be a week away from my home, but i do this every year. do i enjoy it? no, not really. it's nice to see the family i only see once a year but i hate leaving home. i had to be without my computer for a week! disgusting. i'll recount some of the details but i don't think anybody actually reads these. i could leave my social security number and address here and nobody would notice. its 704- just kidding. tehepero!
i went to the beach where family lives. i took a plane to get there, i slept on the flight, and in the car on the way to my grandmas house. i continued to sleep at her house. her dog is an evil crusty white dog who i dont like very much, but hes cute and ten pounds i cant be mean. his bark is higher pitched than is safe for human ears. during my vacation, the midori event happened, and i was severely hyperfixating on enstars. i still am. im sad i couldnt get the midori card because i had to socialize... he is my second fave character of all time i love that freak!!! i screenshotted every event story, like one image per dialogue, and put them all into google translate. this gave me a very shitty rough translation of what was going on, the autism does things to you. also during the vacation i received enlightenment into the fact that midoshinoteto is the true ship. not just midoshino, they need tetora because they are all the most mentally ill fucks on earth. just when you think tetora is close to being normal, you read supervillain and realize theres something deeply wrong with him. every member of ryuseitai has something wrong with them in unique ways. oh, i'm getting derailed from my trip details. the autism won today.
anywaysies, i went to the beach after staying at grandmas house for a bit. slept in the car on the way there too. we stayed in the house next door to the ones my extended family owns. it was very nice seeing my cousins after a long while. on the first day i got there i didnt go swimming and just stared into the ocean for an hour thinking about enstars. puka puka... kanata was on my mind all week, all of ryuseitai was because i was on the gamer grind. i got the cute little in-game plushes of the characters that made me happy. i decorated my office too since i redownloaded jpstars just for the midori event. gamer grind! i have a fairly good jp account and can get s+ scores on most songs. i have 32 5 stars and have been playing since launch and am rank 28 which isnt good enough. omg just opened up the app tomoyas calling me. something about nazuna. thats cool dude. on engstars im kinda shit, been playing since launch but still a junior at rank 17. but thats because i barely play unless i find motivation. i skipped the fucking sanrio collab, and ill regret that till i die. i like to think im good at enstars too, like i cant do level 30s but i can play 29s. the genesis is my friend. im listening to nekketsu ryuseitai rn its such a good song. midoris vocals ueueue shinjiteeee. im not very good at that beatmap but i have the kanata fs2 spp. i love playing enstars i have so much fun. my jp acc is a little stacked. my main team is blue rn since that just happens to be all my strong cards. i have fs2 kanata who is the strong leader, dollhouse midori who i usually put in spp bc hes cute, fs1 shinobu, fs1 arashi, and some izumi card. ELISE STOP TALKING ABOUT ENSTARS WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VACATION?! *clears throat* i went swimming in the ocean a bunch, i puka puk- *warning gunshot above my head* eep! im pretty sure i got saltwater in my lungs because my brother kept trying to drown me. but its ok i tried to drown him too. i cant quite swim, i can only float and if i try to swim its a really slow doggy paddle that cant go against the flow of the tide. i need to have my feet touching the bottom or ill drown. wearing bathingsuits was tough, but once i was in the water i forgot about it. i wore a shirt with a cat holding a bloody knife saying what? threateningly on it the first day over a rlly cute swimsuit (it was light blue and patterned with white, think fine china bikini) and it did wonders for my dysphoria by being threatening but wearing a wet cold t shirt feels terrible. its so heavy! but i just couldnt show any hint of boobage because if i did id have to start killing people. the other bathing suits i wore were more tankini and boyshorts which was much more comfortable. i love the blue bikini, i think i look great in it, but i cannot have other people seeing me in it. i posted it on my close friends instagram story my friend said her jaw dropped ^_^ i love my friends! if i dont see them tomorrow, i am seeing them later this week. plans for this week: maybe going out tomorrow to the town fair, the city with friends on another day, and then another friends grad party at a roller rink. excited to bust my ass! i wanna bring my dog to the town fair but my parents said no because its too much responsibility for just me. i kinda agree, im not the best at controlling my dog, and im not strong enough to carry her around if she gets tired. maybe my mom can go, bring the dog, and ill just borrow her. i dont know if i even wanna go, because last year was tough on the sensory aspect. they were grilling something in the middle of the street, and there was very loud live music. i usually like live music, but one sensory overload at a time please. understanding my limits has become so much easier since i started applying the mob psycho 100 meltdown scale to myself. it does wonders to communicate how you feel, and it helps put your feelings into perspective. i had to use that scale a lot this week since everybody in my family enjoys my discomfort, and dont listen to me at all when i say i cant stand it. bro do you want me to die, because thats what im getting from how youre prioritizing a fucking drink over me. unrelated but during the vacation i stayed up all night and was awake for 24+ hours, but then feel asleep for 20 hours at 7pm on the couch. my brother led me downstairs to a bed but i dont remember that. the plane home was delayed 6 hours and i slept in the airport. but on the plane home at 11pm i didnt sleep i just watched legally blonde with no sound. i know that movie like the back of my hand i could hear the dialogue in my head anyway. i also fastforwarded thru parts i didnt like which cut the movie down by like 15 mins. the people in front of me were also watching legally blonde but i won! i got a good grade in movie watching which is normal to want and possible to achieve! i also brought my taichi nanao nui and my nico yazawa neso keychain. they didnt see the beach since they could get taken away by a seagull or soemthing (have you seen that tweet its the funniest thing) but they enjoyed the plane ride.
ok thats all i have to say. i will get ringxbell midori i swear. i need to avenge myself, and i have a good blue engstars team anyway. goodbye love you if you read this you are a real eliser. a true vassal.
mid may-june blog
welcome to the mid-may (almost june) journal! 
i'm your host elise, and i'm fresh out of high school. i have yet to officially graduate, but i no longer have to attend class. i am admitted to college, and will be living there come this fall. i wouldn't say i'm especially excited, more accepting of my fate. there's no better option, so you might as well make the best of it. the college i am going to is about an hour away from my house, which is scary to me. but i don't want to live at home for the next four years because if i have to be around my older siblings any longer i'll explode. like you've graduated from college, move out buddy. i'm excited to have a blank slate to decorate though, since my bedroom has been the same since i was born because i hate change. hopefully whoever my roommate is will be accepting of my anime posters, because i will need to have nico yazawa in my sight at all times.
alright, my other topic is last night was prom. it was mid. my dress was quite pretty, i'm satisfied with my look even though i had a huge dysphoria meltdown. it was the makeup, i detest wearing makeup. i had a little bit of silver eyeliner and eyeshadow and mascara, and i'm usually fine with mascara. but other parts were disgusting, like concealer and the like. no goop on my face please. i also just prefer how i look without makeup, even though i haven't tried many looks. it's very dysphoria inducing to wear it, so i only wear mascara on special occassions or for a little pop of fanciness. i did quite like my dress, even though it also made me want to rip my skin off. it was kind of tight, but not the popular mermaid style everybody else was wearing. it was more a rectangle, which was good since i'm built like a rectangle. it was a dark pine green, with, get this, a cape! a lovely sheer cape that draped around the arms like sleeves. it was off the shoulder as well, not straps, but if you tried the cape sleeves could be used although they were very loose. they also just looked better around the shoulders. i had it tailored, and everytime i went to the tailor i wanted to throw up because i hate having to be girly, and i had to wear the most heinous contraption: a strapless bra. but when i asked my mom if i could wear a suit instead, she firmly denied it. i love my mother except when she is transphobic. :heart: my hair was curled, and i wore silver jewelry. but i think i looked really bad in pictures because i don't smile well! my face crinkles up, and i can't do it on command. i much prefer to make silly faces for pictures. i look better with a completely blank resting bitch face, since that's what i look like most of the time. and it didn't help i was so autistic that day that i could not smile properly unless laughing.
but you know what was good about prom? i got to see a friend i haven't seen in four years since she went to a different high school. but she didn't change at all, somehow? she went to the farm school, and all the classes there sounded so cool, but i don't think dog training class would be very helpful for a career in social work. in freshman year, she took chainsaw class. chainsaw class! why did i go to the town's public high school when i could've been with cows and chainsaws?! ugh, everyday i question my career choices since i also adore animals, but i can't stand to see them in pain or die. so i can't really do an animal focused job, but i don't know if i can do a human focused one either! well, we'll find out when we start taking classes. my mom works in animal care, and i think the drain on her is more the work environment than the animals themselves. she comes home with bruises a lot from dogs jumping on her. i tell her i'll beat those dogs up for her, nobody hurts my mom, not even a dog. i also much prefer cats to dogs, and would love to work with exotic animals, but i've heard the zoo field is very hierarchal and cut-throat. oh, also: i got my learners permit recently! i'm still terrified of driving and despise that i have it, but it's a step. i need to get a job next, but it feels bad to be doing these things now when 15 year olds have it done already. sorry for being a pussy i guess? and autistic, but i have to stop blaming everything on it because i don't even have an official diagnosis. but there's not another way to explain my behavior, i'm quite autistic. could an allistic person do THIS? *infodumps for 2 hours straight while rocking back and forth* well i definitely have other autistic traits but i prefer not to share too much of my mental health with you all who are strangers. well i just gave you every detail of what's going on in my life right now so i can't be hypocritical ig.
ok, that's it for today (may 27th, 2023)! hope you have a good day and please listen to my new favorite song,
mid april blog
mid april blog entry
dear followers,
welcome to my first journal entry! i have a few things to talk about, but i figured id introduce myself first! my name is elise, and i'm not actually a princess, i just like to pretend. i'm actually a high schooler who is a little too silly. which brings us to out first topic:
COLLEGE!
yeah, not exciting for anyone typically. except for me lately! its always been really nervewracking to think about, but i went to an admitted students day at my first choice school yesterday and it made me feel good! confident even! of course i had trouble socializing with other prospective students, but all the facilities made me feel welcome. i can't be very specific because i don't want nosy nosers figuring out where i live, but all the buildings were great, there was so much food, everything felt welcoming. i'm going to go there for social work, and i think i want to concentrate in helping autistic teens and their families. i'm still not sure how social work fits into that but i will find a way! i like the idea of helping people mentally but i do not want to be psychologist or therapist i could not do that. social work might be even harder, but i'll figure that out when i get there. there's a lot i could do with my future degree. oh, i'm weirdly excited for college! but mostly the little things, like studying in random spots, and decorating my dorm room. my biggest worry is being independent enough to be by myself, but there's not really a way to know before i start. the college has an accessibility program which i'm excited to do, as usual my 'tism causes issues. i'm excited to learn more about that, and it feels nice to have my parents finally validate me having autism. my mom used to deny it, but that's because she had experience with kids with much higher support needs. she didn't get to see other sides of the spectrum, so i'm glad my parents are finally coming around. doesn't mean my sibling are though. they tease me about being autistic (read: stupid) and i say yeah i am. your point?our next topic is this website! you may have noticed update being slower. that is because i got bored of coding sadly. it was a hyperfix, and now i don't know what my hyperfix is. i still like coding, i'm just frustrated with my own lack of creativity and skills. i can only make boxes! and that's fine, but it gets boring after a while. i need to look at every single website on here for inspo, i'm also lacking color schemes. i'm artist who doesn't understand colors. i also want to make my site more accessible, but idk how to do that too much. i make it visible at the very least, fuck webmasters with eyestrain rainbow flashing gifs go to hell for real. but i am still checking up on you all and making pages, just at a much slower pace because i have also ran out of ideas for pages! ruh roh! i am just remaking pages bc they cld look better. i made a third home page and a second about. i'm very happy with the second about, the home page not so much. it was very difficult to code, and the color scheme could be better. but the about page is immaculate. sure the placing could be better but i love the color scheme. i shld just make every page on my site a3 themed. oogh thats a big special interest, if there are any a3 fans out there pls talk to me about it ive been obsessed with it for two years. thank you quarantine and tumblr mutuals for making me dl it, the rest was history. YEAH IT WAS BC THE APP WENT DOWN WAAA
ok next topic i had an idea. i love mobage. if you havent noticed i am a big idol game fan. a3, bandori, love live, enstars. all games i have played. yeah i played project sekai for a bit but i mostly wanted to take wxs and run away. i have liked love live and bandori for like 5-6 years. i am patiently waiting for llsif2 on global. i was like rank 104 or smth on sif. in bandori i am rank 144 and a self described beast at it. (yeah i can only play up to lvl 26 or i get scared what about it) i am the biggest kaoru fan btw she was a bit of a gay awakening. i have 36 four stars which isnt enough. literally only 6 of them are powerful type powerful type hates me. i have ranked in a few events for top 5000, mostly hhw ones bc i love hhw. smile police top 5000, hhw xmas 10000 (dont even remember doing this), smile connection top 10000 (dont remember this either), shining espoit top 10000 (shouldve gone for 5000 i was lazy) and hhw halloween lets screeeam top 5000. i have also spent too much money on that game which i am not disclosing bc i dont know... i like having pngs. kaoru wont come hom unless i buy her she has expensive tastes. but i havent spent any money on enstars yayyy. i havent touched my jp acc in months but i was pretty good. my en acc sucks mad poopy. ok thats enough typing my hands are getting tired bye bye!!!
my next journal! go read it!